Ketamine Birthday

Today is my birthday!!!
I have always felt between worlds since my brother left me- never really belonging here on Earth without him and wanting to die so the pain would end and I could be with him in Heaven. For so long I have wanted to die and didn’t know if “how I was” was okay or if I was loved or even if I existed. I became so disconnected and forgotten that I might as well have been dead. I have tried to kill myself many times and each time was unsuccessful. I spent most of my life wishing for it to be over because the pain of this world and in my body was too much for me to bear. My body holds my secrets in scars. But they are no longer secrets. Now they are my truth. And instead of hiding and praying to die, I am listening to God and I am waiting. I am trusting. I am living. I am in the world and I am taking up space and I am no longer ashamed. I know my story and I know who I am. I am Kristen. Holy and beloved child of God. I am chosen. I am in the world and I. AM. ALIVE!!!!!