I’m spinning and spinning and I’m still standing and I’m still managing. Who am I?! What the hell??? I don’t recognize myself but I do at the same time. I see myself being calm and strong and taking care of others. It’s like I have shifted into Self Kristen and now I’m an adult. Now I know how to take care of myself. Now I know how to regulate my emotions and take breaks. I know what I need. I know I am a complex human being doing the best I can. I know who I am and I know my truth. My Allies see me but most importantly, I am starting to see myself. I’m starting to see glimpses of possibility. Of wonder. Of who I could be. Of a woman that I am proud of becoming.
It’s strange to start to see myself in this way, because all the little parts of me are panicking and freaking the fuck out that they won’t be allowed space anymore. I’m trusting my Self to take care of things. To calm down little Kristen. To put the razors away. To not buy cigarettes. To hug and soothe myself instead of hitting or hurting myself. It’s a shift I feel deep within my core being. That I am tired of fighting my own nature.
I am letting go and trusting Kristen to take control and trusting God to show me my path. It’s terrifying. It’s freeing and peaceful and frightening. But I am doing it. Because there is no other way if I want to live. Because I am tired AND I am strong. Because I believe in the love and future I have with Victoria and our family. Because I feel my fire burning from within.
I know that I’m not perfect and no one is. I know that I am putting every effort into every moment of my life.
HOW I AM IS OKAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And I don’t need to prove it to anyone or do anything. Because I am Kristen. And I am beloved. And I am good. And………
THIS. IS. MY. LIFE.
Kristen’s World: A Safe Space to Share My Truth💕 
Beautiful Kristen. I’m very proud of you my sweet child and beautiful adult daughter.
Love you, Mom
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It’s really hard when you take control and everyone behind you starts to get nervous bc existence is intoxicating. It makes you not want to let go. I’m lucky that I fit better.
The fact that we can just be ourselves without caveat or compromise is something we never thought possible. There was always the feeling that if we were honest, just once, that everything would fall apart.
To be fair, everything did fall apart, but we’re happier and healthier than we’ve ever been. It’s kinda crazy. The free falling feels good, like the wind hitting your face on a roller coaster.
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Exactly. ❤️
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