How Can I Live Here, God?

I’m so confused. I don’t know what’s real anymore. I don’t know what true is. I look around and there’s so many different angles, so many different perspectives, so many different energies, how can anyone figure it out? Is there even a Truth?

I know that even being able to ask these questions is a privilege but it feels more like a burden. My mind constantly spinning and circling, computing computing computing. It never stops. I long for the simplicity of using my daily energy to find food. I long for stillness, for things to stop.

I live in this concrete world and it’s choking the sky and no one knows that the sky is connected to our breath! We are drowning ourselves!! I want the cars to stop. I want to be in one place and not running around in circles, never anywhere, like the blank people in the world around me.

Everyone is too busy looking at their phones to see that we are losing what is real. We are giving up what is sacred. We are throwing away this whole beautiful Earth that God has created. What happened to justice? What happened to harmony? What happened to love? Everyone is too busy judging their neighbor through a screen that they can’t see we are all the same! We are humanity. We are Gods beloved.

Why do we sow fear and hate instead of love and acceptance? How can this be all there is? How can I live here, God?!

Jesus preached nonviolence and peace and now we are making him our armed warrior to justify building walls and starting wars. I can feel his sobs of pain, his tears rolling down the earthly body he became for the love of these humans who now use his name for everything he was against. Where are you God??? Is this what you wanted?!

How can I live in this place that is constantly shouting “More!” and “More!” when I know that is not sustainable! I know that the Wheel always turns, that there is balance to the “more” just like there is balance in life and death.

How can I stand being the one standing still? The crowds are pulling me along and part of me wants to let go and give in but I can’t stop the voice in my head screaming, “this is not what I wanted for my beloved children!!!!!!!!!!!!”

God is crying for us!!!!!!! Am the only one who can hear???????

Please do not forsake us.