Free

Ketamine felt different today. I’m just tired to be honest. So much is changing around me and it’s spinning so fast that I don’t have time to think or to feel. My body panics but I remember that I am safe.

Ketamine slows down time and expands my mind and makes everything connected. There is no judgment – only what is. Energies circling the world looking for a place to rest.

I can use that energy for good. I can transform the power of the universe into love and connection. I know that is my path but I don’t see the way yet. So I trust what is within. I hold onto my power. I let it build and grow. I use it for my healing, my family, and my home. I learn. I breathe. I am.

I let the words of others expectations of my life fall off of me like dying leaves on a tree. They crunch under my feet and the sound tells the story of my pain. I am letting those expectations go and creating new words. God stitches them into my being while I’m at ketamine and whispers to me the secret places She hides them. “Enough” is stitched behind my eyes. “Good,” into my heart. “Beloved” is a part of my very soul. “Holy” is where God anoints me with Her oil. “Powerful,” deep within my fire chakras. These words are my truth and they cannot be taken away.

So I rest in the love of God and I am held by the Universe. I let go and I am Kristen. And I remember that I am free.