Ketamine Journal 3/20/23

I’m getting stronger. I can feel it within me. I’m actually terrified of my greatness but today God said to push into the fear. I am trying. My body holds so much pain and shame that it’s hard to feel it as a part of me. But I am finding the connection. Slowly. I am loving myself. I am allowing space for the dark and the light while knowing God is with me in both. I am trusting. I am feeling. I am staying.

I am starting to believe that I am enough. That I am beloved. They don’t feel like words anymore, they feel like a part of me. I still get confused sometimes and forget, but my body is starting to remember. It’s like a constant awakening and sometimes the sun is way too bright but you have to push into the brightness to see the truth. I am learning.

I just want to be Kristen and that be enough. God says it is. I’m starting to believe it is. I have never put all of my energy into myself or my life before and it feels so freeing. God says stay in the moment and trust your path. God says follow me and see what happens. So I am trying to do both. There is so much pain in this world and I feel it all but I am finding space for the joy too. I’m moving through the pain. Feeling it. Becoming it. And letting it go. Letting the hurt and shame flow out of me in a constant motion of releasing while being filled with love and acceptance and grace.

I float on the water and I’m in the stars and I am with God. I am whole and I am good and I know it. I push past the fear and into the brightness and I know that a feeling cannot break me. I have overcome too much. I have experienced too much. This will not break me. This will transform me. I am ready. I am Kristen and I am enough and I am alive!