Ketamine Day 1/30/23

I just got home from ketamine and I am floating on my bean bag. I’m feeling more stable. Stronger. Like I can take care of myself. I feel something shifting deep within me. Like the cracks I worked so hard to create are letting in the light and my walls are crumbling and the light is slowly pouring in with more intensity than ever before. My wheel is turning. I feel myself. I feel Kristen. I am becoming. I feel like a butterfly still stuck in the cocoon because winter isn’t over but I’m ready for the sun and I’m tired of this cramped space! I haven’t believed in myself like this in a very long time. I feel possibility. I feel hope. I feel shifting within me but my feet are planted in the earth. I am stable and strong and it’s time for Kristen. I know just a little bit longer and I will break free!!!! I try to wait for my time but it’s hard because I’m feeling almost ready. It’s so crazy how I can want to kill myself one week and take over the world on the next but I am adjusting. God holds me and my brother sings and I know who I am and I know I belong. I am connected to everything and I am powerful. I am learning. I am healing. I am Kristen and I am growing a little more each day. I can trust myself and I can live in Kristen’s World. God says it’s okay to be strong and it’s okay to be woman and it’s okay to change and it’s okay to have many different parts. I am Kristen Joy and I am a human being and I matter!!!!